Can't ... look...away...

Generally when I work on Architecture projects (like I am tonight) I watch Netflix on demand movies.

I've worked my way through a passel of documentaries, the entire first season of Heroes, and every Sci-fi film in their meager online available library.

Tonight I was in a strange mood so I started watching Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!

I have actually paused working on my project (but still watching this movie) to type up this post.

I have discussed before some really bad movies.

This is a whole new strange world of badness.

Their tagline is "Low Budget films: Better then suicide."

I'm not so sure.

I mean, it actually makes Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter look high budget and professionally acted.

YE GODS AND SMALL FISHES!

Sorry. Bit of liveblogging. This film contains most scarily dirty, depraved sexual suggestion I have ever heard. All without using a single profanity.

Dare I reproduce it here?

Okay, I will, but it is not for the faint of heart... or the vivid imagination.

Still here?

Really?

Why?

You can skip ahead.


Here it is.

Speaking: Crazy Kinky Lady wearing football shoulder pads adorned with antlers and a fur cape:

"Oh Jimmy-hat. It's time to come please me with your rendition of the Styx classic "Mr. Roboto" whilst you rub my bleeding hereafter."

I'll let that sink in for a bit as I go scrub myself with some caustic chemicals.


That is just a tiny little sample of how strange, surreal, depraved and painful film this is.

It also contains a main character so obnoxious as to make Jar-Jar Binks look like a good choice in ANY film.

And yet... I can't stop watching...

*Edit*

OMG. There is a sequel... it was actually worse then the first. But in completely new and different ways.

Alaskan Vampires and Assignments from hell.

Since the last 4 years have been a bust for trick-or-treaters for me and I didn't want to be stuck (again) with pounds of chocolate I took a page out of the Wiita playbook and made myself scarce for the evening.

However, because I did want to acknowledge my favorite day somehow (having to work and therefore unable to dress up) I and the dog went to see the film "30 Days of Night."

In case you are unfamiliar with the graphic novel, the premise is that during the 30 days without sun Barrow is cut off by and over-run with vampires.

I generally have low expectation for movies set in Alaska. Correction I have REALLY low expectations for movies set in Alaska, but hey vampires + Alaska... I will give it a try.

I was pleasantly surprised.

Things they did Right:

Movie Barrow didn't look like real Barrow, but it did look a reasonable amount like ye small isolated Alaskan town. Though frankly... it was cleaner then a lot of them.

Not to much exposition. See Distant Ship... see Man stumbling from distant ship. Message clear. Thank you for not giving us a 12 minute explanation of what was going on. I appreciate when directors don't treat me like an idiot.

North Slope Borough on the emergency vehicle... not North Slope County (which I have seen in some movie.)

Things that surprised me:

Josh Harnett didn't suck. He wasn't great... but I would even go so far as to say he did pretty good. I didn't like him in Pearl Harbor... so yeah....

The people reacted realistically and in human fashion. Some froze when frightened, some freaked out, and when someone did something really stupid it was for understandable reason (trying to save a family member or child...etc)

The vampires were not seductive or alluring. They were like the offspring of a shark and human. Visually and kinesthetically creepy, primeval and scary. They were NOT human, and that came across very well.

Oh... and the quisling... creepiest supporting character ever. EVER. Played by Ben foster. Who it turns out played Angel in the last X-man movie. (I didn't even recognize him.)


Things they did Wrong:
North Slope Police... not Barrow Sheriff. But, that was probably done for liability reasons. Likewise I suspect the "Alaska Fire Marshall" patch one of the characters wore. (With no State of Alaska patch visible.)

The trucks were all clean. In some cases immaculate. Riiiight.


~~~~~

So my latest Arch 121 assignment is ummm... yeah. This isn't isn't my Design class this is my weird Modern Architecture lecture class + design recitation thing.

We have to build a bridge 16" long and no less then 4" wide the entire length. It has to be able to support a 5 gallon bucket filled with 6" of water. I would guess that's about 10 lbs of weight but I will get bucket this weekend and find out.

Here's the kicker.

It can only be made out recycled or scavenged material.
It cannot contain any metal.
No piece of material can be longer then 6 inches, nor can any piece of material be thicker then 1/8".
No glue or melting strategies to form monolithic connections.

Gah.

Anyway I have a plan. (Two plans actually.)